Sometimes, it really is just the #PTSD. But don’t let anyone stigmatize you ‘paranoid’

I had a very rough night last night.

My key card for my hotel room kept getting de-magnetized. After so long, I began to think it was on purpose.

I also had run into some people who said a few things during the course of the day that really rubbed me the wrong way.

On the one day I decided to express some gayness by wearing a “Love Wins” T-shirt (indeed, I did it to say ‘HELLO! Yes maybe I am bisexual, but definitely gay, too!’)

Because nobody should have sex only annually.

Well, there is some homophobia in my neighborhood. Maybe. But how can I fixate on that when most people are just so, so nice here in Colorado.

Especially all the pretty ladies. They are nothing like the women at home.

I don’t mean to be candid, but …

#Candor

Finally, my phone went missing last night. I was certain someone had stolen it. More on that in a moment.

Spent a few hours at IBAKE Denver today 

On days I don’t go to IBAKE Denver (like yesterday), nothing seems to go right. Last night was awful. I was so triggered when I woke to the child porn arrest.

Everything related to Rock Island, Illinois makes me sick to my stomach right now. It really is extremely filthy, and as it pertains to what the sick filthy town and my sick filthy family did to me, well … it’s overwhelming.

But I met this one guy from Boston who of course won me over because I loved his Boston accent, he shared some great weed with me and had some incredible stories. He told me he got drunk one time and got on an airplane in Taiwan and woke up in Australia with no passport.

One man I met told me I sort of “have a cool life right now, enjoy it.” For sure, it’s different.

That’s for sure.

I’m glad it’s interesting but it is terrifying.

Sense of humor.

Cannabis.

Chewy.

All needed to stay sane.

More about my dog Chewbacca “Chewy”

My little dog is just insanely sweet.

He’s a perfect child.

He is so loving, he lays on top of me all the time.

He wants to cuddle constantly.

When he walks he looks so cute and happy. Everyone stops to comment about what a cute dog he is.

Today a little boy asked, “Can I pet your dog, Sir?’ And I said, ‘Yes.’

And Chewy snapped at him.

And I felt awful, because the little boy was so polite, so adorable, and so gentle with my dog.

And Chewy still snapped. And I should have known better, because the shelter told me he has problems with children under 12. He even had to go through behavior training at the shelter.

But for me, it’s just endless kisses.

#DogTales

The truth about my phone and the key card

As it turns out, my phone was in my car, In plain sight. A black phone against a black interior console.

Wow.

And the key card? The magnet in my vape pen has been de-magnetizing them.

I came to these conclusions on my own and felt very stupid today.

And yet, the torturous emotions of anger, fear and sadness (not bipolar, FEAR and DISBELIEF of what happened to me, and an inability to comprehend such evil) are things that are not my fault.

I am a victim.

And nobody will accept personal accountability.

I pray several people will be forced to.

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